Iapos;m doing so bad in school this semester. What is wrong with me. I slack off way too much, iapos;m havenapos;t done well on any of my tests except for my spanish ones which doesnapos;t count because those are easy. I really donapos;t know, i just have lost all interest in school which is terrible. But i just canapos;t find motivation in any of it. I feel like theres more out there, but hey iapos;m spending way too much on tuition to slack off. I canapos;t do that to myself or parents. Who knows if i can pick up my grades now, but i need to kick myself into first gear and catch up. I wonapos;t be getting any aapos;s except for spanish, but eh iapos;ll be fine with bapos;s and a c here or there. I really canapos;t get any higher than that now. School should be my first priority but my mind wanders in class, my mind wanders when i should be doing homework or studying. Its not even like iapos;m watching tv or surfing in internet iapos;m barely online anymore, and i only watch tv on monday nights when oth gg are on. So what am i doing? i honestly donapos;t know. Well this past week every second i wasnapos;t in school or work i was reading twilight but now that iapos;m done i kind of just daydream. This entry looks like iapos;m a psycho but i donapos;t care. My mind is on ramble mode and i canapos;t stop it. Iapos;m writing a paper right now on observation hours that i havenapos;t done really. Iapos;m good at bullshitting, hopefully he doesnapos;t realize that 7th grade students canapos;t be as perfect as i describe them to be. Maybe i should throw in a fight or something that happened. Ha. This brings me to working on becoming a teacher. The more i observe and the more i take these stupid classes the more in irritates me and the more i think that i donapos;t want to be a teacher. Iapos;ve always been pushed to be a teacher because of many obvious reasons that i donapos;t need to explain. But honestly what else could i do? am i really passionate about anything else? not really.. Not anything that i could make a descent living off of. Its times like these that i wish i could act and just make millions pretending iapos;m someone else, or just be happy doing something that i knew i always wanted to do. I hope i donapos;t end up like ms. Alfeiri or something. A miserable bitchy teacher who doesnapos;t want to be there, but doesnapos;t have any other choice. Omg this entry is so pointless, but oh well. If youapos;ve read this far, you must be really bored or avoiding something else you have to do. Like i am with this paper right now. I really want to just get away for a while. Kind of just shut myself away from everyone and everything. Not just work school but people. My family, friends.. I just need some me time. I feel like iapos;m always stressing about something and always at work or at school. I wouldnapos;t mind just packing some stuff and just start driving heading west not knowing where iapos;m really going and not really caring either. This sounds so stupid but i want to find myself ya know?.. Yeah that does sound dumb but honestly how else can i explain whats going on in my messed up head. My mind i just a whirlwind of different emotions and i donapos;t know how to tame it. I need an escape and i need it soon. I just donapos;t care for things like i used to. My declining grades, my social life, my everything... Iapos;m not depressed or anything. I wonapos;t be jumping off a building anytime soon. Iapos;m happy but i feel empty. Its like i have a hole in me that needs to be filled and i donapos;t know how to fill the void. Its weird. I canapos;t explain it, and i just wanted to ramble this out so that i can stop letting my mind wander and focus on these stupid papers.
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