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Iapos;m doing so bad in school this semester. What is wrong with me. I slack off way too much, iapos;m havenapos;t done well on any of my tests except for my spanish ones which doesnapos;t count because those are easy. I really donapos;t know, i just have lost all interest in school which is terrible. But i just canapos;t find motivation in any of it. I feel like theres more out there, but hey iapos;m spending way too much on tuition to slack off. I canapos;t do that to myself or parents. Who knows if i can pick up my grades now, but i need to kick myself into first gear and catch up. I wonapos;t be getting any aapos;s except for spanish, but eh iapos;ll be fine with bapos;s and a c here or there. I really canapos;t get any higher than that now. School should be my first priority but my mind wanders in class, my mind wanders when i should be doing homework or studying. Its not even like iapos;m watching tv or surfing in internet iapos;m barely online anymore, and i only watch tv on monday nights when oth gg are on. So what am i doing? i honestly donapos;t know. Well this past week every second i wasnapos;t in school or work i was reading twilight but now that iapos;m done i kind of just daydream. This entry looks like iapos;m a psycho but i donapos;t care. My mind is on ramble mode and i canapos;t stop it. Iapos;m writing a paper right now on observation hours that i havenapos;t done really. Iapos;m good at bullshitting, hopefully he doesnapos;t realize that 7th grade students canapos;t be as perfect as i describe them to be. Maybe i should throw in a fight or something that happened. Ha. This brings me to working on becoming a teacher. The more i observe and the more i take these stupid classes the more in irritates me and the more i think that i donapos;t want to be a teacher. Iapos;ve always been pushed to be a teacher because of many obvious reasons that i donapos;t need to explain. But honestly what else could i do? am i really passionate about anything else? not really.. Not anything that i could make a descent living off of. Its times like these that i wish i could act and just make millions pretending iapos;m someone else, or just be happy doing something that i knew i always wanted to do. I hope i donapos;t end up like ms. Alfeiri or something. A miserable bitchy teacher who doesnapos;t want to be there, but doesnapos;t have any other choice. Omg this entry is so pointless, but oh well. If youapos;ve read this far, you must be really bored or avoiding something else you have to do. Like i am with this paper right now. I really want to just get away for a while. Kind of just shut myself away from everyone and everything. Not just work school but people. My family, friends.. I just need some me time. I feel like iapos;m always stressing about something and always at work or at school. I wouldnapos;t mind just packing some stuff and just start driving heading west not knowing where iapos;m really going and not really caring either. This sounds so stupid but i want to find myself ya know?.. Yeah that does sound dumb but honestly how else can i explain whats going on in my messed up head. My mind i just a whirlwind of different emotions and i donapos;t know how to tame it. I need an escape and i need it soon. I just donapos;t care for things like i used to. My declining grades, my social life, my everything... Iapos;m not depressed or anything. I wonapos;t be jumping off a building anytime soon. Iapos;m happy but i feel empty. Its like i have a hole in me that needs to be filled and i donapos;t know how to fill the void. Its weird. I canapos;t explain it, and i just wanted to ramble this out so that i can stop letting my mind wander and focus on these stupid papers.

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Dixie woke up to Ayla blaring Tokio Hotelapos;s Schrei. " Gimme like twelve more hours and I will totally be ready to take on the world again."
"Dix you have two minutes to get dressed and drive me and you to school. The doctors said to take it slightly easy but return to ALL normal activities. Which unfortunately includes the hell that is high school."
"Fine but iapos;m not going for cute today. Iapos;m going for the i look like schiesse so send me home look."
"As long as you get to school on time and your mom doesnapos;t flip out about you missing your classes."

Ayla, as always was the voice of reason to Dixieapos;s over-reactive brain. Dixie knew she had to get up and go to school and that she had lost her chance at Gustav. "GUSTAV," Dixie gasped,"Are they still in town?"
"Yes, but only for the day. Theyapos;re leaving tonight. Iapos;m sorry Dixie."
"Itapos;s not your fault that my stupid boyfriend had to screw everything up and then�I� ended up in the hospital. Ay, I was sooo frikin close to him. I saw him in person and now there is no denying that I love him more than anyone, including Blaize, my parents, everyone excluding the Heavenly Father and Son."
"Dixie, even though things donapos;t look like theyapos;ll work you should still break up with Blaize. If you and gustibaren are meant to be everything will work out."
"Ayla you know that I would love to break up Blaize. But he really does love me and if things donapos;t work out with Gustav and I broke up with him then what? I go back to spending time with my parents. I canapos;t do that again Ay. Atleast he takes care of me."
"Weapos;re not getting into this arguement again. Here comes Crystal. Make sure you listen to her in BPE."
"Ayla youapos;ve always taken such good care of me when I was struggling. But Iapos;m not drunk, Iapos;m not brain-damaged, and I can coherently make choices so I donapos;t think I need a baby-sitter in BPE. Iapos;ll hang out with her like every other class but Iapos;m not gonna listen to anyoneapos;s decisions but my own."
Crystal arriving,"Hey Ayla Hey Dix, ready for gym?"
Dixie" Urghhh am I ever ready for the personal hell the school system created?"
Ayla quickly,"Bye guys Iapos;ll talk to you later. I need to hurry to class."

As always Dixie�and Crystal dressed out and were sitting in Crystalapos;s assigned spot on the basketball gymapos;s floor. Dixie layed curled up in a ball trying to nap before work outs and Crystal sat looking up at the window. Tokio Hotel was standing on the other side of the window watching the classes. Georg was checking out the lack of basketball skills the kids trying to shoot had, Bill was examining each personapos;s outfit, Tom was naturally looking every girl from head to toe no doubt grading each one on appearance, but to Crystalapos;s suprise she caught Gustav staring very intently at Dixie. The coaches walked in right before Crystal was going to ask Dixie what was up between her and Gustav leaving her without a good opportunity. While the class stretched Tom and Georg emulated the stupid looking stretches the class was doing to try to cheer up the slightly sad looking Gustav. Like every other tuesday the class walked down to the track and Tokio Hotel followed from a distance. While Crystal laughed at Dixie stumbling down the stair case Gustav was staring and gasping as if he should have been there to catch her on each step. Down at the track the boys hid behind the giant brick building at the top of the hill. Crystal glanced up and saw them stacked one on top of the other peeking from the side of the building. After the typical two lap jog Dixie decided to be lazy,"Hey Crystal, you can run Iapos;m feeling like being a bum today."
"After yesterday you deserve a lazy day. Did he really buy you a ring?"
"Yup. Itapos;s in my bookbag Iapos;ll show you after class."
"Alrighty, well Iapos;m gonna run before coach yells at me. Iapos;ll catch up after I finish the laps."
After running three laps Crystal had caught back up with Dixie who was only on her third lap walking. "Hey Dix, Is that who I think it is?"
"What are you talking about? I donapos;t see anyone. Are you sure Iapos;m the one with a concussion?"
"They moved. Just come�stand here." Just then the boys must have thought that they were still walking the track because they peeked around and Dixie screamed at the top of her lungs and fainted again. Crystal picked up Dixie and pulled her around the track for one more lap but by the time they reach the side the boys were on Dixie was running up towards the building. Crystal was amused by Dixieapos;s sudden jolt of energy so she followed.

Dixie exclaimed,"What are you guys doing here? I look like crap. And youapos;re at my school? How did you know?"
Gustav answered," I told you we made Ayla talk."
"Iapos;m soooo sorry about yesterday I wasnapos;t expecting my mom to be there and I definately was not expecting the event that my boyfriend was planning.apos;apos;
"You still havenapos;t broken up with him yet? He put you in the hospital. And slammed you against a car."
Tom added,"Sounds kinky to me."
Gustav snapped,"Shut up Tom. You have me now Dixie. If you want me."
Before Dixie could answer Crystal knocked Dixie off balance so she fell into Gustavapos;s arms and then ran towards the track. The other three boys backed up as Gustav tightly held Dixie in his arms holding thier stare until Dixie snapped out of it. "CRYSTAL GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE NOW"
"Nope Iapos;m safer down here."
"Wait right here Iapos;ll be right back."
Dixie ran faster than ever before. She and Crystal had ran a mile before Crystal realized the one place sheapos;d be safe, behind Dixieapos;s true love. "Canapos;t get me behind Gustav :P"
Gustav interrupting�her anger," Dixie thatapos;s enough. Calm down." He wrapped his arms around Dixie one more time and she just melted. "Have you forgotten the whole reason why we were going to meet? I have your teddy bear in the tour bus if your willing to skip again."
"Totally, just give me a few minutes. Crystal, I think we need to go to the nurse ;) So go tell coach your walking me back up there and tell him I need to get in the locker room."
"Alright. *a few minutes later* Letapos;s go."
"Gustav I gotta change clothes so you can walk in the school with us and wait outside the locker room."
Gustav, "Sounds good to me. Iapos;ll send the other boys to the bus."

(inside the locker room)
"Hey Crystal can you text Ayla and tell her whatapos;s up. YES The outfit she bought me is still in my book bag. Do I still look like crap?"
"You look adorable. I donapos;t want to seem rude but Iapos;m not going in that tour bus with you and him."
"I understand. I was actually gonna ask if you could find Ayla and sign the three of us out and wait in my car."
"Alright. Meet you at your car."

The instant Dixie walked out of the door Gustav blushed.
"I thought you looked fine in your gym clothes."
"Then youapos;re crazy because I donapos;t typically wear them in public."
"Donapos;t get me wrong you look AMAZING in that outfit. Itapos;s like the perfect outfit i imagined my perfect girl to wear. I the tank top is even my favorite color. But you didnapos;t have to get all dressed up."
"Now youapos;re being too nice. Wow this tour bus looks really cool."
"Wait till you see the inside."
"OH MY GOTT YOU ARE TOO PERFECT. RED ROSES AND PINK CANDLES MY FAVORITES." In a moment of happiness Dixie leaned in to kiss Gustav which lead to getting tackled playfully."Where are the other guys?apos;apos;
"Hiding out in your car I think. Bill thought weapos;d want privacy."
In another moment of passion Dixie let down all of her guards and allowed herself to go farther with Gustav than she had with any other guy.
"Gustav, how will this work. I really care about you but youapos;re on tour and Iapos;m scared that Iapos;m just a girl waiting at the port for you."
"I promise to come back for you. Hereapos;s your teddy bear. It really is adorable. I promise to keep in contact and youapos;re more than welcome to stay on here."
"Thatapos;d work REAL well four boys and one girl sharing your tour bus while fangirls all over the world hit on you."
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The two quickly got decent and straightened out before letting Ayla, Crystal, Bill, Tom and Georg in the bus. Ayla apologized,"Sorry loves but its freezing outside and the cop was about to come tell us to move the car."
Dixie sighed," Itapos;s all good. But we were trying to talk is there any where we can do that in private?"
Ayla replied in a panic,"Dix, thatapos;s not the best idea. Your mom is walking towards the front office. I think we need to get you over to the doctors office so you have an excuse for being out of class."
"But Ay, theyapos;re leaving tonight."
Gustav interrupted, " You need to go but I promise to call you later. Mayb we can get dinner before we leave. Bye Dix."
"Bye Gus, i really do care about you as more than just a fan cares about their favorite band member. I hope Iapos;m not just your biggest fan to you either."

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Napped most of the afternoon. Felt a headachey buzz coming on and laid down, next thing I know Iapos;m having some weird dream about watching TV and choking, and wake up feeling not much better.

The dream:

I was in a strange house that I did not recognize, and I was watching something on the TV, some kind of documentary, but now I canapos;t remember what it was about, other than that it was political in nature and contemporary in subject. The channels changed and I couldnapos;t figure out how to get back to the show. I was doing push-ups with some big furry kind of shirt tied in a knot around my neck, and then I started choking on hair in my mouth and my mouth filled with water and I tried not to spit it out until I got to a sink, but mostly it sprayed out of my mouth while the hair stuck in my mouth kept triggering my gag relfex.
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Name/Nick: Shimin / thelaydeebug
Account Type/No: POSB Saving 183-12196-0
Email Address: mylilwardrobe@gmail.com
Mobile No: 90493030

Placed an order on 16 Oct 08 in Korea Japan Apparel Spree. Then i sent her invoice to transfer the money within nxt 24h. However, she did not do so, did not even reply my email to ask for extension of time for payment or say pass. She went MIA until i sent her a 2nd chance email to make payment within the nxt 24hrs which is today. She revert immediately saying that sheapos;s overseas so she will want a pass. HOHO�what a coincidence huh, overseas, able to reply me so fast too. Zzz

I do not know where is your pair of eyes. Please do not think that the TCs are written there for displaying only. It is for YOU(shoppers/spree ers) to READ. And also if you cannot abide to them, then respect it.
ONCE�confirm to purchase an item(s),�no backing out, else blacklist.

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...prowling the aisles like a predator, looks from people who seem to know youapos;re not from around here...I remember scowering that very shop some years ago with that lot in the wee hours after a night of drunken debauchery...i had a sudden haknerinapos; for ninja turtle candy canes...and scotch...but I had no choice, I needed french vanilla cream...few men know the fury and destruction I might unleash on the world if I am denied my most gripping of vices; hot pressed morning coffee with a french vanilla flavour...

...i donapos;t like that gym on queen...too many queens...do you know how hard it is to do crunches with a boner? plus it isnapos;t all laid out like my own gym, itapos;s sprawled out all over the place as if the building canapos;t quite fit it all in...plus I had some chap stare at me during most of my elliptical experience, and one chick was tempted to ask me about her mobile phone until I shot her a look that said do and die...iapos;m probably not welcome back there anyway, if they take the same view of homicide as the one in the rideau center...

...i want another pair of shoes, but i donapos;t think my shoe rack or my credit card can handle it, weapos;ll see what happens once the red menace gives me my money, and then takes it all away again for use of its services...

...i want a government job, as boring and stable as possible because iapos;m sick to death of working for uncle ted and his awful company...i think I also want a roomate, i have some time left on my lease but this place is a steal, I doubt Iapos;ll have any trouble giving it away the real problem is finding someone i can live with and not be driven to homicide...ah, who am I kidding...I love this place, I love living alone...

...iapos;m going out this weekend, iapos;ll be in the basement, will you be in the sky? cuz if I donapos;t make it to the basement baby, Iapos;ll drop on by...

"always stays the same, nothing ever chnages,
English summer rain, sees to last for ages..."
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